Literary Thoughts on the Late Twinkie

...with the word "thoughts" used rather loosely. Come to think of it, "literary" is being used rather loosely, too.

Ode to a Twinkie
There once was a Twinkie from Hostess.
Folks liked the filling the mostess.
     Yellow cake filled with goo;
     Oh, the shelf life, too!
But, since Hostess went broke, it's a ghostess.

Copyright 2012, A1 overnight staff

The Twinkie's Revenge
You think I'm dead
And dearly departed;
I'm here to tell you,
I've only just started.

A roach can survive
A nuclear war
But I can endure
So much more.

Hostess is broke
You'll no longer see 'em;
I'll stay forever
"fresh" in a museum.

Copyright 2012, A1 overnight staff

We is a Big Word: or The Six We's

“‘If’ is a big word.” Growing up, I heard that aphorism early and often. For impact in a sentence, few words pack a bigger punch. But “if” is not the only biglyph to carry such a big burden.

“We”, too, is a big word. In fact, the little “we” possesses six distinct meanings. Three meanings per letter places the term in the major leagues of meaningfulness.

First, there is the exclusive “we”, that is, me and others, but not you. “We don't like your kind around here.”

Second, we will look at the inclusive “we”, that is, me and you. “We'd get along better, if I didn't say such things.”

Third, we have the extra-inclusive “we” that includes me, you, and others. Perhaps it could be subsumed in the inclusive set and “we’d all better be better off”. Or perhaps, not.

Fourth, there is the royal “we”, that is, me, myself, and I. Or, more seriously, the self-referent where the self is accompanied by a majesty, grandeur, or authority that is best communicated by more than merely “me”. “We decree that our person is to be addressed as ‘Your Majesty.”

Fifth, the authorial “we”. This “we” is only the author; but unlike the royal version, this one is used to deflect some the attention away from the individual. “We find that this usage is less common today; but it is not entirely outmoded.”

Sixth, and finally, we will learn about the didactic “we”. This version is not about me at all; it is all about you. Parents and teachers are apt to employ this one. “Do we understand, now?"

"Or do we need to read this post again?”

Another Question About Questions

A recent conclave of the 3-umm-egos, whereat two of the members convened telephonically without proper notice given to the third, it was settled that rhetorical questions ought to be punctuated with question marks. Period. The debate is closed.

Unless of course, the absent member demands a reconsideration on the grounds that the meeting was procedurally invalid.

Now, that that is settled, would everyone please start complying with the rule to use question marks at the end of all questions, even rhetorical ones.

Question marks and exclamation points

Answering emails for a living lately, I've begun to marvel at the number of people who cannot distinguish when a question mark should be used over a period and vice versa. Exclamation marks are another matter for later discussion.

I can understand the confusion that ensues when starting a sentence with "I wonder" and thinking that it should be followed by a question mark. I likely once succumbed to that trouble many moons ago. But, there are so many occasions where it should be simple what you are trying to convey, that you should be able to employ the proper punctuation for the occasion.

Now, let's get to exclamation marks. Sir Terry Pratchett says this about their use in various books, and here are a couple of examples: "Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind." or "And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head."

People are using them awfully much. Give them a break! I've read in an article about proper text message etiquette when using punctuation--that punctuation should hardly EVER get used in texting unless absolutely necessary. That should be how it is with email and other media.

To round this all up, I'd like to shed some light on a punctuation mark that I feel needs attention, something that was created in the 60s and should be nominated to be inducted into the hallowed hall of fame that is our universal keyboard. This punctuation mark is called an interrobang, interro from interrogative. An interrogative sentence is one that ends with a question mark. The bang, apparently, is slang for that shock one gets when inserting or reading a sentence with an exclamation point. I've not had much luck inserting an interrobang in this digital media and these different software programs, but I can get it to work on MS Word. Just check its history out on Wikipedia.org. It's enlightening.

Lastly, notice how few exclamation points I've used in this post. If you're interested in more, check out Slate.com's article (http://www.slate.com/id/2173076/) on the topic or this bit on Wiki.lspace, a brief overview of Pratchett's take on the issue (http://wiki.lspace.org/wiki/Multiple_exclamation_marks/).

Spread the word, and encourage others to not be bang-abusers.

One more link you could check out: http://www.tor.com/blogs/2011/03/bang-how-the-exclamation-makes-us-into-comic-book-characters

Dan

Commas in Lists

Isn't that last comma in a list still required? Isn't it, for example: "Chris, Dan, and Dave", rather than "Chris, Dan and Dave"? Or has this rule fallen prey to the dumbing down of our language?

Ain't it ever gonna stop?

The Word: The case for Dictionary Day - The Boston Globe

The Word: The case for Dictionary Day - The Boston Globe

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Impact the World

"I want to impact people."
"He made a difference."

Is the first speaker a good person? Did the "he" of the second quote do something good? Impact is not always good: a boxer impacts his opponent. Making a difference is not always good: Hitler made a difference.

It seems that some folks figure that Legislatures need to pass laws. And it seems that it really doesn't matter whether the laws are good or bad as long as the lawmakers are busy "making an impact" and "making a difference".

Please don't "impact" me; I don't like being hit. And don't pass any new laws that "make a difference"; I haven't memorized all the old ones, yet.

-Ch